My heart is a mishmash....

Ever felt two feelings being emanated from your heart at the same time...one of extreme happiness and joy and the other being the exact opposite of depression and a sinking feeling...

It is strange how the very person you waited for all your life...your soulmate, your prince charming... the person you are destined to spend your entire married life with... its all peaches and roses in your courtship period and you don't see the reality of things untill it is time for the wedding...

All the little things that you have done in your father's house and all the times your mother has run after you to make you have your meals...the many times you and your brother would be out in the playground chasing that one red and yellow butterfly that caught your fancy....

They say time flies..it literally does..from a baby to a young girl to a prospective bride and now to a fiancee...it seems to all have happened in a flash... and even from the time we first met...and the dates for the wedding were decided...then it seemed like really far off...but now that it is here for real...well almost...it seems to be sinking in as a heavy thought...don't get me wrong...its not like i am not happy to be married...but the fact that i am going away from my immediate family is killing me....

My heart is sinking more and more and getting heavier as each day passes and we get closer to the date of the wedding but then...isn't this every girls dream...to marry and settle with the man she truly chooses to be her protector...her savior and the one who will walk with her in the journey of life....

The mind is selfish..it wants the best of both worlds...it wants the family to stay on and the new entrant to be by her side...but unfortunately that cannot happen...its a very practical world they tell me...but for once i want to be an ill mannered kid and stomp my feet as though i want a certain two toys to keep for myself...sigh...i wish it were that easy...

Its difficult to explain..the feelings..the emotional turmoil within..on one hand life is all rosy and pretty and on the other hand its taking a toll on my emotional side where everything i see or do makes me want to cry...

There is a completely new life beyond the d-day...but the excitement and the anxiety together seem to stirring up a storm in my mind...its doing no good to the upheaval of the  emotions...but i guess just like every whirlpool dies its own death...these feelings of uncertainty will come to rest soon...and just as the rainbow works wonders after a rainy afternoon...the best phase of my life will make all the troubles fade away and the 24 yr long wait worthwhile!!!