The sands of time....

They say nothing is permanent but for change in this world....Its so sad that no matter how hard you try, things don't remain the way you would want them to forever....As soon  as a child is born...the clock of his life is set into motion...he soon learns to recognise his family...to talk and walk and time flies as he gets a mind of his own and he takes independent decisions for himself....

Same is the matter with Death...its cruel mean and painful but inevitable...We may deny it but some day or the other we are all going to have to leave this worldly existence and leave for the heavenly abode...The mere thought of having to lose a loved one or family sends shudders down my spine but somewhere in the back of my mind...I know it is the dark reality of life....

There are so many thoughts that clog our mind..most of which get dispelled even before they are put into the format of speech...but irrespective of that they are in our mind...in some subconcious form...and the vicious circle of thoughts engulfs us....We don't realise but it corrodes us from within...Thats why we need to share our thoughts or else we make a monster out of nothing...

But what do you do in case of thoughts that one cannot tell anyone else but oneself????

Its all going wrong...

You know how it is...when you are confused in the head...and the more you try to sort out the issues....the more they get complicated...its annoying coz each time you come to terms with your own self..and you feel you are somewhat at peace with the thoughts...there is another turmoil and upheaval in your mind..much stronger than the one before...

                                           

Someone you love and trust and feel confidant enough to share the space with...and think they would understand...it breaks your heart to see that they are going through the same thing..of a much higher intensity though.... 

Shutting out from the world and screaming  your gut out to stop all the external noise seems to be an option...but what do you do about the churning of emotions inside of you...there is no solution...you can only wait and watch and see how things will sort for themselves....

I would always say to whoever was flustered with the things in life...that come what may when you see that nothing is working out fine and everything you wanted is so not how you had pictured it...and there is nothing that you do or say that is going to change it....with every word spoken by you bonafide is being taken and held against you...you are in a sandstorm situation...the more you try to grab things whilst the storm is on its peak..the only thing you manage to get.....is a blinded vision with all the mud in your eyes....

But now when it has come to applying the same funda on myself..I am doing exact the same thing I advised the others from doing...guess they are right when they say "easier said; than done"...I feel miserable really low in the stomach...there is this huge void that has been created in my mind....

So many people are upset...its all going wrong...this is not what I had pictured things to be like...this is so not what I had wanted....there is nothing I can do to change things...coz whatever I am saying or feeling is not what is being conveyed...its quite the opposite...its killing me from within...I will put up a brave front for sure...and will pull it off as well...but how long will that last...how long will i be able to pull it off i wonder (!_!)