Is it a phase of life or am I the phase of my life?

I am wondering what I will do with my life...with mammoth sized dreams and never ending needs achieving it all is a herculean task!!!

When I was in 10th standard I never really bothered about my life, career and related stuff seriously, I seemed to have been lost in my own world..not that I have any regrets to the same..at least I enjoyed my school life unlike others..

It would not be wrong to say that I am gifted, no wonder even without much effort..life seems to be taking its own course which suits my needs fine...reinstating the fact of the existence of the big guy somewhere in the clouds!!!

Ever since my last year of college began the turmoil of the mind and the heart...the first four years of law college were a perfect honeymoon, and unfortunately just like any other vacation...it was bound to end...

Much to my dislike I took up a job with a meager pay and my dreams of owing a house and car within the first two years of professional life (yes i told you I have an unreal wish list) ...well so much so that I realized the value of the smallest denomination of the currency, simultaneously shattering my dreams and making me realize the hard life...

In less than an year I had changed 3 jobs and each one I left in the search of something better, not only monetarily but also something that would appeal to me and gimme a reason to go to office looking forward to working and not just dragging my feet just for the heck of it...

Days became months and the unrest continued...so much so that I felt that every single day of my life was being wasted and the layer of innocence that was once omnipresent was being being mercilessly ripped apart....

So finally after seeing life up close and personal and realizing that the dreams I have need wings to materialise...I am back to my books...to now pursue a career which more than me, my parents want me to fit into....for my life long betterment of course!

So many times the patience runs out, the wait is frustrating, but then in my head I hear the song "these boots are meant for walking...and that's what they're gonna do" and so back I come to my life and continue to do what I must....

The karma theory...as you sow..so shall you reap...So now is the time to sow..I will sow a tree and not a shrub..and the tree that benefits everyone...not just me and my kith and kin...

Each time my patience and belief in self crumbles....and I am vulnerable to succumbing to the forces...more internal than external ....I look at my parents and am at peace with myself....for when they believe in me...and the re-assuring look that says "may the force be with you"

I know I am here for a reason...am god's special child...the struggle is frugal as compared to the rewards...so the karma must go on...undying and selfless!!!